


boys only want love if it's torture

by PaleRose



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Hinata Shouyou, Angst, Atsumu fucks up, Break Up, Break up sex, Confrontations, Fighting, Jealous Miya Atsumu, M/M, Oihina Wedding, Oihina end game, One Sided Love, Self-Destruction, cursing, grab a box of tissues, no happy ending, past AtsuHina - Freeform, self sabotage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:14:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27090286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaleRose/pseuds/PaleRose
Summary: When the invitation arrives in the mail, Atsumu has to fight the urge to tear the robin’s egg blue envelope to shreds with every fiber of his being.The gold embossed cursive of the return address, Buenos Aires, Argentina, mocks him in its delicacy.--The events leading up to the Oihina wedding and how Atsumu can't cope.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shouyou & Oikawa Tooru, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shouyou/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 52
Kudos: 282





	boys only want love if it's torture

**Author's Note:**

> don't say I didn't warn ya

When the invitation arrives in the mail, Atsumu has to fight the urge to tear the robin’s egg blue envelope to shreds with every fiber of his being.The gold embossed cursive of the return address, _Buenos Aires, Argentina_ , mocks him in its delicacy. How tacky and not incredibly beautiful. He frowns at it as he runs his fingers over the smooth, loopy letters. Atsumu knows what this invitation is for—a wedding for two people he can’t stand to see together. Frankly, he should have expected the invite to show up in his mailbox sooner or later. Omi-kun got his in the mail yesterday and had already warned Atsumu that his is not the shoulder to cry on when the invitation inevitably arrives at his doorstep. It’s fine, he doesn’t want to complain to Sakusa the grouch anyway. There are plenty of other people who will listen to him gripe about how he doesn’t want to go and almost wishes he won’t be invited in the first place. Then he can just wallow in misery alone instead of succumbing to the peer pressure he knew his teammates would put him through. Atsumu can already hear Bokuto’s voice whining “You need to come to the wedding! He’s your teammate first and it’s important to support him!”

Please, cut him a fucking break. 

He knows he has to attend the wedding, it would be weird if he was the only one on the national team, let alone MSBY who didn’t. Still, the idea of having to witness his ex—Hinata Shouyou, the one that got away, _the one he let get away_ —marry another man who just so happens to be the best ace in the, uh let’s see, entire fucking world is so incredibly upsetting. And Atsumu doesn’t do upsetting. Osamu has always been better at keeping a stiff upper lip during tough situations. Atsumu wishes he could, but he can’t. So the envelope remains unopened and ignored for the rest of the day.

\-- 

Osamu calls him and doesn’t bring up the invitation—even though Atsumu knows Osamu definitely received one. If Atsumu got an invitation after everything that went down between him and Hinata, there’s no way Osamu would be left out. 

“So… Any news on your end?” Atsumu asks, carefully examining his brother’s face for any physical signs of lying through his phone’s screen as he sits on his couch, the low hum of his TV playing _Ninja Warrior_ in the background. 

“Nah, nothin’ to report.” Osamu remains as impassive as ever. He’s sitting at his kitchen table, finishing off the last bite of his dinner.

They usually call each other around the tail end of dinner time, but today Atsumu skips his meal. He actually hasn’t been hungry today, or yesterday, or the day before that. 

“Absolutely nothin’?” He squints skeptically at his twin. 

Osamu rolls his eyes. “What d’ya want me to say, ‘Tsumu? I’m not gonna have ya goad me fer information when I don’t even know what ya wanna hear,” he sighs like he’s talking to some indignant child. Atsumu is not a child god damnit, he’s the older twin! And he shouldn’t have to come right out and ask Osamu, “hey by the way, did you get invited to the wedding of my nightmares?” No thanks Samu, Atsumu is good not having to come face to face with his romantic angst. Yet his cruel twin brother seems hell bent on making him miserable. 

“Did ya get the invitation?” Atsumu asks, murmuring the painful question. 

“There it is, I figured you were all tense because of that,” Osamu says with a knowing nod like he’s some sort of old sage. 

“I am not tense!” Atsumu protests, clenching his phone in his hand and gritting his teeth. 

“Uh-huh, sure yer not.” 

“Just answer the damn question, ‘Samu!” Atsumu glowers. Life would be so much easier if he just absorbed Osamu in the womb. 

Osamu winces and takes an airpod out of his ear. “Geeze, how can ya expect me to answer yer question if ya keep shoutin’ like that? If ya must know, yes. I did receive my invitation,” he half laughs. 

So Osamu did get invited. That little sneak was gonna keep it a secret! How fucking dare he?

  
  


“Thanks fer tellin me!” Atsumu grumbles and attempts to sink into the cushions. Maybe if he tries hard enough, they’ll swallow him up and he won’t have to deal with the rest of this conversation. 

“Well I figured it wouldn’t be something ya would wanna talk about,” Osamu says and puts the airpod back in his ear after cleaning it on the sleeve of his shirt. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Atsumu pouts. 

“Ok, we don’t have to talk about it.” 

“Are ya gonna go?” 

The look on Osamu’s face is absolutely exhausted. “Ya just said ya didn’t wanna talk about it! Now yer askin’ me if I’m goin’?” Now it’s Osamu’s turn to shout in disbelief. “Ya really are a piece of work, aren’t cha, ‘Tsumu?” 

“I just wanna get a feel fer who’s goin’, that’s not actually talkin’ about it per say!” Atsumu tries to defend himself, despite knowing it’s an incredibly lame excuse. If there wasn’t a doubt that Osamu got invited, there isn’t a doubt that Osamu will attend the wedding. Atsumu just wants to hear his brother admit to his betrayal. 

“Of course I plan on goin’, are you gonna go?” Osamu flips the question and waits expectantly for his struggling twin. 

Atsumu groans and rubs his face with his hand, letting it travel upward to rake through his hair. “I don’t know! I know I should go be supportive. It’s just…” His voice trails off bitterly. Atsumu doesn’t want to flat out say how badly this whole situation hurts him, but there’s no use in lying to Osamu. Even when they were kids, Osamu had this way about him where he could get Atsumu to admit anything. Even if Atsumu was not the culprit, he’s expertly perfected his mind games. The least path of resistance is the only path of resistance. 

“I’m not sure if I can handle seein’ Hinata get hitched to someone else.” 

“I don’t want to be _that guy,_ but who’s fault is that?” Osamu says while eyeing his brother like he should be so ashamed. It’s a good thing he fucking is. 

“Mine.” Atsumu feels his chest hollow out knowing Osamu is right. He was the one who broke things off with Hinata two and a half years ago. He was the one who didn’t apologize after accusing Hinata of abandoning him and fucking off to Brazil, _again._ And he was the one who didn’t go to the airport that rainy morning to see Hinata off, even though it was the one thing Hinata begged him to do. If anything, he doesn’t deserve to be invited. 

“Exactly. I know ya don’t wanna deal with the heartache, you owe it to him after everything you’ve done to be supportive. Gettin’ invited is like gettin’ an olive branch, I think you should go to make amends,” Osamu offers, adjusting the angle of his phone’s camera so Atsumu is staring at the underside of his nostrils. 

“I know, I know yer right. I should go,” Atsumu says, resigning himself to having to endure this mess he created. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, Osamu has a point. Hinata isn’t one to hold grudges and maybe this wedding will be some sort of closure for the both of them. A chance for Atsumu to finally apologize and move on. And who knows, maybe this wedding will help them to become friends again. 

\--

On the actual wedding invitation, there’s a picture of a deep purple and peach fuzz orange sky over a sandy, pristine beach. Hinata Shouyou and Oikawa Tooru are in the foreground hand in hand smiling from ear to ear—two bronzed beauties in loose gym shorts and t-shirts looking effervescent amidst the sunset. And to add even more salt to Atsumu’s wounded ego, there’s an out of focus beach volleyball net and stray Mikasa ball in the background. 

_You’re invited to celebrate the union of the Grand King and Little Ninja._

After inputting the wedding date and time into his phone’s calendar, Atsumu promptly throws the stupid invitation that makes the Hinata shaped hole in his heart burn into the garbage, burying it beneath coffee grinds and browning banana peels. 

~~

Everyone on the team avoids bringing up the wedding around Atsumu, so much so that he can tell they stop talking about it whenever he enters the room. They all go weirdly quiet and look at Atsumu like he’s some sort of poor, long suffering widower. A shell of a man who deserves nothing but pity. The worst is when Bokuto starts recounting the same completely random and probably made up story about how Akaashi burnt his tongue eating a ghost pepper.

“You’d never believe how red his face got Tsum-Tsum!! Redder than the Itsukushima Shrine!!” He always laughs awkwardly and gives Atsumu a five-star to the back like it’s going to make him feel any better. 

The only person who has the balls to not immediately change the subject is Omi. He won’t randomly bring it up, that would just be downright cruel, but he doesn’t attempt to shield Atsumu from the elephant in the room like the rest of MSBY. Atsumu assumes it’s probably because he enjoys seeing Atsumu look as forlorn as physically possible—the schadenfreude is strong with that one. Either that or it’s his weird Omi-kun way of showing Atsumu some much needed tough-love. 

“Did you book your room yet?” Omi asks during one of their Saturday practices. 

_T-minus four months until the wedding._

They’re supposed to be stretching. Ever defiant, Atsumu is scrolling through Instagram, admittedly not stretching, while Omi sits in a pike position on the gym floor— touching his toes with ease. 

Atsumu’s nose twitches like he’s caught a whiff of something rotten. “Nah, ‘Samu’s takin’ care of that,” he says as casually as he possibly can manage and continues to scroll past pictures of his friends from high school, and video recaps from last week’s league games. 

“I see. Are you staying at the suggested venue?” Omi presses on and lets his hands slide down the soles of his feet to sink deeper into the stretch. 

“Fuck if I know,” Atsumu shrugs. Staying at the same inn as the wedding party does not sound appealing at all, but knowing Osamu he probably did book their rooms there for convenience reasons. Screw his brother for being so practical at the worst of times. “If I am, I ain’t lookin’ to hang out with anyone.” The best plan of action was to just stay in his room and only come out when he absolutely needs to. That way he can avoid any situations that could potentially end very poorly due to his mercurial nature. 

“Huh, interesting.” 

“Interestin’?” Atsumu parrots and sets down his phone. Instagram is really fucking boring in the mornings anyway. 

Omi releases the hold he has on his feet and pulls his legs into his chest, his judgemental eyes making Atsumu feel all sorts of self-conscious.“I thought you would try to do something stupid like potentially try to sabotage the wedding.” 

“Gee, thanks,” Atsumu deadpans. Does Omi have that little faith in him? “I promise I’ll be on my best behavior.” He teases and sticks his tongue out at his teammate. 

“I mean it Atsumu,” Omi says gravely as he lets his legs fall into a butterfly position. “If you do anything to fuck up this wedding, you’ll be the lowest of the low. I will make it a point to give you grief about it if you so much as breathe wrong during the ceremony,” he says, one hundred percent serious. 

Damn, Omi-kun can be so savage and protective. The chattering old ladies at the nail salon his Obacchan goes to can’t hold a candle to Omi’s level of savagery. Plus, his face mask makes him look scary. 

“Yikes Omi-kun!! Relax, I’m not going to do anything to ruin the wedding!” Although turning the tides in his favor does sound appealing…

He can see it already. 

Their eyes meet at the check in counter, the same spark igniting between them from all those years ago. They talk it out, make quick amends, and fall back into their easy rhythm. Atsumu just so happens to run into Hinata at the post rehearsal dinner party. They steal away to a private area to talk some more about the good times they’ve had. Then with the help of some liquid courage, Atsumu steals a kiss that will take all this God awful weight off his shoulders. And finally, on the day of the wedding, as Hinata stands at the altar looking absolutely torn, when the patrons are asked if there are any objections, Atsumu valiantly rises and proclaims his love for Hinata. How he’s sorry for what he did back then and how he’s been hopelessly in love with him since high school. How he wants nothing more than to try again and make this relationship work. Surely Hinata would ditch Oikawa and run straight into Atsumu’s arms, right where he belongs.

  
  


“Atsumu did you hear a word I just said?” Omi says sternly, dragging Atsumu back to reality. 

“Yes?” Atsumu lies.

“Please don’t tell me you were fantasizing about sabotaging the wedding.” 

Is Omi a psychic, too? Shit.

“You’re unbelievable,” Omi shakes his head in utter disapproval. “I said you are not going to ruin the day for Shouyo. Just be a decent human being for once in your life and stick to your plan.”

“You won’t have to worry Omi-kun, I can handle myself at this weddin’ just fine,” Atsumu says with a humph and stands to stretch his arms over his head.

“Famous last words,” Omi says unconvinced. 

~~ 

Since receiving the wedding invitation, Atsumu has been debating whether or not he should unmute Hinata on all his social media accounts. 

The day Hinata took his one way trip back to Brazil, he promptly took all the steps needed to hide any and all mentions of his ex out of his feed. Hours of archiving pictures and deleting interactions until not a single digital footprint of his relationship could be found. He flagged Hinata’s many nicknames, his new team, and even several South American countries. And while Atsumu couldn’t bring himself to truly cut Hinata out of his life with just a single block, he used the mute button liberally. Osamu said he was overreacting and acting like some petty teenager, but his broken heart couldn’t bear to see any of the happy memories they shared, lest he go into a downward spiral that could only be stopped by a social media intervention from the MSBY PR team. 

Atsumu had a history of airing his dirty laundry on twitter though vague subtweets. 

For the most part, his Hinata cleanse worked. Not seeing how MSBY’s former wing spiker was making a huge splash in the international league did keep him from getting his accounts taken away. By the time mentions of the Little Ninja’s accomplishments start to sneak their way into his feed, Atsumu only felt the dull sting of apathy in his ribcage. 

So maybe now it’s time for Atsumu to ease himself into seeing Oikawa and Hinata together. Maybe if he does this now, by the time the wedding happens he’ll be okay with the events that unfold. It’s, at the very least, worth a shot. 

He clicks the unmute button. 

**@officialninjashoyo**

_look who showed up to my game today!? wowowow i’m so lucky!!! #asassaõpaulo #baekawa #2weeks_

_[attached image: a selfie of Hinata Shouyou with a smile so wide his eyes are nearly closed, with his arm around Oikawa Tooru who is wearing an equally large grin on his face. Their cheeks are squished together to fit in the frame of the photo.]_

Atsumu immediately mutes Hinata’s account again. 

Maybe next week he’ll try again. 

~~

Most of the guests are set to arrive in Miyagi the day before the ceremony. While a destination wedding to Brazil or Argentina would have given this entire downer of an experience a little flavor of fun, Atsumu understands why the grooms opted to fly back home for the ceremony. God, the very thought of Oikawa and Hinata flying together all lovey dovey—probably in first class with free drinks and comfortable seating where they can easily cuddle knowing Oikawa’s bougie ass—makes Atsumu want to heave. 

Meanwhile, he and his brother are cramped on an economy class flight. There’s a crying baby from behind, a snoring old man sandwiched in-between him and Osamu, and a prowling flight attendant with a resting bitch face that rivals Omi’s intimidating glower. 

“I don’t know what’ll be worse, sufferin’ through this flight or the wedding?” Atsumu groans as he attempts to stretch his legs out into the aisle while the flight attendant isn’t looking. 

“For your sake, I hope the flight is worse,” Osamu says before putting on his noise canceling headphones and slipping a sleeping mask over his eyes. 

“ _For your sake, I hope the flight is worse_ ,” Atsumu mimics his brother in a high pitched drawl and a nasty look on his face. For the most part, the flight is _tolerable_ , only less than two hours of misery as compared to the 48 hours he’ll have to endure as soon as they land. He does manage to steal Snore-san’s complimentary drink, so that’s definitely a positive. And he’s able to catch up on a podcast he’s been addicted to. 

If only he had the option to drown out the wedding ceremony with the gabfest of four American queers. 

It will take a grand total of two hours to travel from the airport to the inn tucked away in one of the many mountains of Miyagi’s countryside. Two hours of gut wrenching anticipation, knee jittering, and Osamu’s icy side-eye. As their uber cruises through the rolling countryside beneath a clear blue sky, Atsumu attempts to keep his nerves in check by counting the number of cell towers they pass. So far, they’re at three. He shouldn’t be this anxious, he probably won’t even see Hinata when he gets there. Thanks to Bokuto resurrecting the old MSBY group chat in anticipation for the big day, he has strategically been lurking and gathering information so he can avoid any unexpected run-ins by any means necessary. Hinata’s flight back to Japan doesn’t land until later in the afternoon, so Atsumu has about three hours to roam the inn freely before there’s a chance he could accidentally run into his ex. As long as he mentally prepares himself before seeing Hinata, he should be okay. 

He hopes he’ll be okay. 

By the time they get to the inn, Atsumu has counted nine towers and received four uncomfortable jabs to the arm from Osamu in an attempt to get him to stop fidgeting. 

“I swear to God Tsumu, if ya do that during the ceremony we’re gonna have a problem,” Osamu gripes as he heaves their luggage out of their uber’s trunk. “Ya need to chill the fuck out.” 

Atsumu rolls his eyes and grabs the handle of his rolling suitcase. “I’m chill. I am so chill, I am ice cold, Samu.” 

“That has yet to be seen,” Osamu slams the trunk door shut. 

They drag their suitcases along the stones that lead to the main building’s entrance—the wheels clicking against the ground and filling the silence between them. While the main building itself looks pretty old with its gamble roof and faded shoji screen windows, there’s an automatic door. It sits proudly amid tall, imposing trees at the foot of a mountain while the rest of the guest rooms are situated on the mountainside, connected by thin stone pathways. It’s all very rustic, very peaceful, very Hinata. And Atsumu can already feel his stomach begin to sink and his mouth go dry with each step. 

But he can do this.

He is Miya Fucking Atsumu. A two time olympian and internet sex symbol. There is no challenge he can not meet, no obstacle he can not accomplish. He can be civil and survive this weekend. He can prove to Osamu and Omi-kun that he can be supportive of Hinata’s choices, even if it really, _really_ fucking hurts. He can— 

When the doors to the main entrance slide open and he steps across the threshold, the world begins to move in slow motion. For the first time in nearly three years, he sees him—standing at the reception desk talking idly, casually with the innkeeper. He’s just as beautiful, if not more, as the day he left. Tan, built, and illuminating the entire room with his smile. By some cruel act of fate Osamu, the fucking traitor, calls his name.

“Oh! Shouyou-kun!” 

Hinata pauses and turns. His golden eyes blink once, twice, then grow with an excited sparkle and Atsumu’s soul has officially left his body. He’s not supposed to be here, he’s supposed to be flying over the Pacific, still hours away! Not practically sprinting towards him and his brother with arms as wide as his smile. 

If his body wasn’t going into shock, he would totally be rushing to meet Hinata half way—to finally hold him in his arms, right where he belongs, and never let go. 

“Samu! It’s been so long!” Hinata shouts, laughing as he bounds not into his arms, but his brother’s. 

_Ouch._

“Looks like Brazil’s been treatin’ ya well. Have ya been eatin’ enough protein?” Osamu says as he gives Hinata a tight squeeze and lifts him (just barely) off of the ground.

“I think you know the answer to that question,” Hinata returns the favor and actually hoists all one hundred and eighty seven centimeters of Osamu up with ease.

“Woah! Yea, I see what ya mean!” 

“Yup!” Hinata sets Osamu down and finally turns to a gawking Atsumu. 

“Don’t look at me like you’ve just seen a ghost, Atsumu-kun. You know I’ve missed you too,” he says and extends a hand out towards him. No nickname, but still friendly. There’s no trace of ire or malice in his eyes and Atsumu knows he doesn’t deserve this clean slate. Hinata should be mad at him—furious that he broke his heart and his promise to see him off. Why does it feel like he’s not just being civil—like he genuinely did miss him? He suddenly wants to run with this feeling and see how far he can go with it—how much of Hinata can he take back for himself? 

Atsumu grasps Hinata’s hand to shake it and the familiar touch melts his frozen body. It’s just like he imagined it would be. The burn that would remind him of everything that he’d given up and make him hungry for more. A burn he will never feel for anyone else. 

“I’m glad you could make it,” Hinata continues. “I was kinda worried you wouldn’t show.” 

_He was worried, he still cares._

It’s all Atsumu needs to pull a facade out of his ass. If Hinata missed him, that means there could be hope for them yet. “And miss out on yer big day? Not a chance,” Atsumu flashes his literal award winning smile. 

Hinata laughs, music to Atsumu’s ears. “I’m glad to see you haven’t changed.” 

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Shouyou-kun.” Atsumu dares to use Hinata’s old nickname. Hinata’s expression falters for a split second, eyes dilating and brow twitching ever so slightly. It’s not much of a reaction, but it’s a reaction nonetheless. He can’t help but smile—smug with a touch of dubiousness—at the satisfaction of knowing he still has some hold over his ex. 

“So where’s yer other half?” Osamu chimes in, glaring at his brother like his twin telepathy can already sense the Atsumu is up to no good. 

“Oh! He won’t be here until later tonight, hopefully in time for the rehearsal dinner. I was able to get an earlier flight so I could make sure everything is set for tomorrow!” 

“So that means you’re here alone? Why didn’t you tell us you’d be here early?” Atsumu asks, continuing to push the envelope. 

Osamu grab’s his brother’s shoulder and gives it a violent jerk to shut him up and speaks before Hinata has the chance to answer the question. “WELL! That's awfully smart of ya. I don’t mean to be rude, but Tsumu and I better get goin’ we still need to check into our rooms.” Osamu’s hand squeezes Atsumu tightly, a silent warning not to try anything. 

Hinata nods. “That’s okay, I’ve got to get some stuff done before dinner. I’ll see you both at the party tonight?” 

“We’ll be there!” Atsumu says before his brother can get a word in. 

“Great! I’ll see you both then!” Hinata waves goodbye and sets off back towards the event front desk. 

Osamu tightens the grip he has on Atsumu’s shoulder once Hinata is no longer looking at them. “Like I said, ya need to chill the fuck out.” 

~~

Atsumu met Hinata Shouyou when he was seventeen years old. There are hundreds of songs out there about being seventeen and finding the love of your life and Atsumu always thought they were garbage. Just a bunch of fluff for dopey dreamers who don’t have anything going for them to cling to. 

Atsumu didn’t need all that.

He had his team, his brother, and his goals: to win the national tournament, to become captain in his third year, to graduate and play volleyball professionally—love was never a part of that equation. 

Then suddenly, just like one of those God awful songs, love came crashing into his life in the form of a weirdo quick from the opposite side of the net. A killer spike that actually made Atsumu stop and watch for once in his life. With eyes wide open, he realized the boy who played volleyball like it was his life’s purpose was just like him. There was another person out there who played with such hunger and passion that it gave Atsumu visions of the rest of their life together—premonitions of future sets, future spikes, and future wins together that tingled in his fingertips and set his soul ablaze. Before he knew it, he was making grand declarations to manifest it—from his mouth to God’s ears. 

“One day, I’m gonna set for you.” 

At the time, he didn’t know that was love talking. 

~~

After that little stunt Atsumu tried to pull in the lobby, Osamu declares himself to be his brother’s keeper for the next forty eight hours. 

“Yer walkin’ on thin ice and it’s not even dinner time yet. Askin’ Hinata if he’s alone? I am actually embarrassed to call myself yer twin,” Osamu scolds as he sets his suitcase down next to the twin bed closest to the window. 

“What? It was just an innocent question!” Atsumu argues, flopping onto the unclaimed bed near the humming air conditioning unit. He pointedly stares at the ceiling and not at his judgemental brother. 

“Pfft, yeah right!” Osamu guffaws with his hands on his hips. “With the look ya had on yer face back there? I know that look ‘Tsumu, ya were lookin’ to stir up some trouble.” 

“I was not!” Atsumu huffs and crosses his arms indignantly. How dare Osamu rightfully accuse him of trying to weasel his way back into Hinata’s heart while he has limited communication with his fiancé. 

“Yer a terrible liar, ya know that?” 

“You’ve said it maybe once er twice.” 

Osamu pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales a long stream of air. “I swear Atsumu, yer incorrigible.” 

Atsumu turns his head and smirks. “I’m gettin’ so many compliments today.” 

“Enjoy ‘em, because ya ain’t gettin’ any more. Yer on lockdown, I’m takin’ yer phone,” Osamu crosses the room and crawls onto the bed with Atsumu. 

Atsumu holds his arms out and starts kicking his legs in an attempt to to keep his brother at bay, “What the fuck ‘Samu!?” 

“I don’t trust ya not to try yer hand at sabotage,” Osamu says as he struggles to reach into the pocket of Atsumu’s hoodie and retrieve his cellphone. Arms flail, knees connect with stomachs, and eventually Osamu gives Atsumu one well placed punch to the nuts that knocks all the air out of him—allowing Osamu to make his move and snatch the prize and hop off the bed. 

“Now ya are gonna stick to yer original plan. Stay in the room until the party and avoid trouble. If ya do that, this weekend will be over before ya know it,” Osamu says breathless as he shuts off Atsumu’s phone and shoves it into his own sweatshirt pocket, striding towards the door. 

“Yer the fuckin’ worst! Ya know that!?” Atsumu, still holding his groin and rolling on the bed like a pathetic pillbug, groans. 

“You’ll thank me fer this later. Now I’m goin’ to scope out the rest of this place and I’m takin’ both keys with me. So if ya try to sneak out, I’ll know.” 

“Then what am I supposed to do!?” Atsumu says as he rocks back and forth on his spine in an attempt to sit upright while still holding his damaged goods. Leave it to Samu to take his only source of entertainment and make him wallow in silent misery like some God damn prisoner. 

The handle of the door clicks as Osamu turns it to open the door. “I brought some books for ya to read in my suitcase, keep yerself busy with those. Or ya can take a nap. The choice is yers, ya just need to stay out of trouble,” Osamu says and flings the door shut behind him. 

~~ 

_2 years ago_

_It wasn’t supposed to end like this because “catching feels” was never an option. What they have is casual, a “life’s short, but you’re hot, so fuck it” type of deal. They flirt, they mess around, and they satisfy each other. No more, no less._

_It shouldn’t hurt this much, watching Shouyou, god why did he start using his first name, leap into the air and eclipse the sun when he gets the call. He knew this was bound to happen, Shouyou said so himself._

_“MSBY is a great team, but I know there’s more out there.”_

_What more could he possibly want when Atsumu has given everything, despite knowing it would break him?_

_The ride home is silent, save for the radio playing some pop song that really does nothing to brighten Atsumu’s mood so he shuts it off. He doesn’t even think to drive Shouyou back to his own home, it’s just their routine. Practice, sex, sleepover, repeat. When they pull to a stop, Shouyou turns to look at him with those big eyes that ask a million wordless questions. He has to know something is up and Atsumu doesn’t have it in him to keep his big mouth shut._

_“So what,” Atsumu can taste the ire in his voice, “you’re goin’ to leave and go fuck off to some international league?”_

_Hurt flashes across Shouyou’s face and Atsumu can’t stand to look at it. “You know I have to stay until the end of the season,” Shouyou’s voice is level, the complete opposite of his downward spiral that he can’t seem to stop._

_“What does it matter? It’s not goin’ to be the same knowin’ you’re leaving the team. ” But Atsumu makes it sound like ‘knowing that you’re leaving me.’ His hands grip his steering wheel even though they’re not moving._

_“I’m not going to apologize.” The response is quick and direct, a crushing spike to his heart._

_“Fine, don’t fuckin’ apologize.”_

_“Why are you acting like this!?”_

_The question sets Atsumu over the edge._

_“Why didn’t you fuckin’ tell me you were goin’ to leave so soon!?” Atsumu practically shouts. He didn’t want to raise his voice, but all the bile and disgusting feelings he’s been trying to suppress are rising to the surface and what does it matter if Shouyou hates him now? The only thing that’s certain is this would end in heartbreak no matter what._

_“I didn’t want… I didn’t think you’d care,” Shouyou admits. Atsumu dares to look at him and the color in his cheeks has flushed away, leaving a hollow pale that steals his youthfulness. He did this, he snuffed out the sun so quickly and without a single thought because he's the heartless twin._

_“You’re right, I shouldn’t fuckin’ care.” He drives the wedge between them even further, splintering his heart in two. It’s probably better this way. By the time Shouyou leaves, Atsumu won’t feel a thing. He can go back to fucking whoever he wants and not feel this attachment to someone he never had a chance with._

_“He’s too good for you,” he remembers his brother saying when they first started hooking up. The funny thing is, Samu was right. Shouyou is too good for MSBY, too good to stay locked in Japan, and too good for him._

_“I don’t fuckin’ care anymore. You do what you want.”_

_“That’s it then? Are you going to act like you’re happy for me? Are we going to keep fucking each other and pretend like everything is okay? You know, you were the one who said this was supposed to be a casual thing and now you’re fucking screaming at me for not 'telling you' about the plans I made you and the entire team abundantly aware of from the moment I put on my jersey? I mean, c'mon Atsumu! What are you fucking saying!?” The corners of Shouyou’s eyes go blurry with tears and he’s shaking, white knuckled fists balled in his lap._

_“Do you know I went along with this whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing because I wanted to be with you so badly? I didn’t care if you said it was temporary because I never thought…” His voice trails off as he winces at himself, screwing his eyes shut and swallowing his pride._

_“I never thought you’d want anything more than something temporary.”_

_The words cut through Atsumu like a blade, forged from the assumptions made and the time they’ve wasted. A choice needs to be made, either beg Shouyou to stay or set him free. Too bad he’s not so good at picking what’s best for himself. He grabs Shouyou by the neck and crushes their mouths together - there’s no more time for talking. If this is going to be their last time, he might as well go out with a bang._

_They burst through the door of Atsumu’s apartment and tear their clothes off, leaving a sordid trail from the welcome mat all the way to Atsumu’s bedroom. Atsumu all but slams Shouyou against his bedroom wall and kisses him like he’ll die if they stop. They’re all wet mouths and clacking teeth and Atsumu feels like his chest is about to burst. Shouyou jumps into Atsumu’s arms and wraps his strong thighs around Atsumu’s waist, practically forcing himself up the wall to gain the high ground. Atsumu anchors his arms around Shouyou’s back and carries him over to the bed, throwing him onto his mattress. He kneels above Shouyou’s naked body as it bounces on the bed. It sinks into unmade sheets and he doesn’t realize he’s crying until Shouyou reaches up to wipe away his tears._

_Their lips meet again, this time soft and apologetic. He wishes he could know what’s going through Shouyou’s head. Does he realize this will probably be the last time? If he doesn’t, God help them both. They take turns memorizing the other’s body, kissing and touching and mouthing all the most sensitive spots until they are reduced to shivers and pleas for something more. Atsumu fucks Shouyou as deep as he can possibly manage, bottoming out and choking on his own voice. He can’t stand to forget how Shouyou’s eyes roll into the back of his skull and his mouth hangs open as he cums hard, gasping and absolutely flushed._

_And the next morning when Atsumu stirs to find a cold spot where Shouyou… Hinata slept, he can’t stand himself because he let this shit happen. He went and got addicted to the sun and all he has to show is a scorching burn in his heart._

_~~_

Atsumu wakes up from his nap with tear stained cheeks and a dull throb in his left temple. 

~~

Apparently, Oikawa’s layover flight in Hawaii has been delayed. Which means he probably won’t show up until tomorrow. And even though Atsumu promised his brother that he was going to cool off and be on his absolute best behavior at the party tonight, the evil little kappa on his shoulder keeps reminding him of his dastardly fantasy. 

_With Oikawa out of the way, you can talk to Hinata and let him know how much you miss him. And he’s definitely got a couple drinks in him by now. Who’s to say he won’t realize that you two are meant to be together? All you have to do is ditch Samu and get Hinata alone. Easy as that._

Atsumu looks up from his unfinished vodka tonic. The bar at the inn is just large enough to fit all of the Japanese National team, MSBY, and a handful of random players from Argentina and Brazil who managed to make it to Japan in time. Currently, Hinata is on the other side of the room, chatting it up with Romero and some of those foreign dudes in rapidfire Portugiese. 

“Whatever you’re thinking, you better end it now,” an unamused voice next to him says. 

Atsumu’s head whips around to find not his brother, but Sakusa Kiyoomi staring him down. “Omi-kun!? When did you—where’s ‘Samu!?”

Omi takes a sip of his club soda, the straw poking out from underneath his facemask. “I gave your brother a break from his babysitting duties. He shouldn’t have a miserable time just because you can’t be trusted.” 

“Omi, you wound me,” Atsumu feigns hurt in his voice, “I’m just minding my own business like I’m supposed to,” he says innocently and takes another gulp of his drink. 

“If you say so,” Omi’s brow furrows in doubt. 

“I do! I’ve been a good boy all day and I don’t plan on changing that,” he lies. Despite Omi’s domineering aura, Atsumu knows he’ll have an easier time sneaking away from him than his brother. He looks past Omi’s shoulder to see if there’s anyone he can drag into their conversation and spots the perfect target. “Oi! Bokuto-san! Kageyama-kun! Tell me and Omi-kun about the rehearsal dinner!” Atsumu calls out and signals for their silver-haired companion over to the bar with a wave of his arm. 

Bokuto, who is just finishing up his game of darts with Kageyama, turns around and waves back with the widest smile. “Come over here and we’ll tell ya!” 

Atsumu hops off of his barstool with his drink in hand, “C’mon babysitter, you comin’?” he says to Omi whose stare is skeptical as fuck. 

“Lead the way.” 

The two men walk over to meet Bokuto and Kageyama and fall into an easy conversation recounting the events of the rehearsal dinner. Long story short—it was beautiful, Hinata’s speech to Oikawa is going to make anyonee believe that love is real, Hinata’s mom (and Bokuto) cried, the works. 

“I actually got a text from Oikawa ten minutes ago, he just landed in Japan and should be here soon,” Kageyama says to the group.

“Oh good! That’s a relief,” Bokuto sighs, “I was getting worried they might have to postpone the ceremony.” 

“Yeah, wow that would be a damn shame,” Atsumu says carefully under Omi’s watchful eye. “I’ll be right back, I gotta take a leak. You’ll keep an eye on Omi-kun for me, won’t you Bokuto-san?” Atsumu asks, hoping this escape trick will work. 

True to Bokuto fashion, he wraps his arm around Omi’s shoulder and hugs him close. “You got it Tsum-Tsum! I won’t let Omi out of my sight.” 

Omi’s eyes widen, probably realizing what Atsumu is trying to do. “I’ll be fine Bokuto-san, let go!” he tries to struggle out of Bokuto’s hold, but the slightly shorter man proves to be unbreakable. 

“Oh Omi-kun! You’re too funny!” Bokuto laughs and squeezes Omi tighter, causing him to make a high pitched, choked off sound. 

With phase one of his plan complete, Atsumu takes his leave to initiate phase two. 

~~

Atsumu finds Hinata in the bathroom, washing his hands and humming a little tune to himself. He makes sure to keep quiet, not drawing any attention to himself as he locks the door. 

“Ya should sell yer little bathroom jingles,” Atsumu says leaning against the door casually with his arms crossed. Hinata looks up from the sink and at Atsumu’s reflection in the mirror. 

As always, his smile is warm and makes Atsumu’s heart thump heavy in his chest. “I’m not sure anyone would buy them,” he admits and shuts off the running water. 

“With a guy like you singin’ em? I bet I could think of a couple places that would,” Atsumu lowers his voice and lays his smouldering gaze on thick. He knows he’s towing the line, but fuck if he can’t help himself. He wants to grab tension between them and pull it like a rope, guiding Hinata into his arms and claiming his lips one last time. 

“What do you want, Atsumu-san?” Hinata turns and leans against the sink, mirroring Atsumu’s pose from across the small room. 

“I just wanna talk, that’s all.” 

“Okay, then talk.” 

“I miss you.” 

“I’ve missed you too.” 

“Shouyou—” 

“Please,” Hinata cuts him off, “don’t call me that.” He doesn’t look angry, but Atsumu doesn’t miss the way his voice wavers as if he’s in the slightest bit of discomfort.

“Why not?” Atsumu knows why Hinata wouldn’t want him to use his first name, but he asks anyway like the fucking asshole he is. 

“Because I don’t want you to, I shouldn’t need another reason,” Hinata stands his ground as Atsumu gets closer—gripping the counter top like he’s trying to keep himself from moving as well.

“Alright, that’s fair. Ya know I’ve been meanin’ to apologize to ya. I shouldn’t have stood ya up at the airport when ya left, or accused ya of abandonin’ me. It wasn’t right,” Atsumu stops to look down at Hinata—the fox towering over his prey, the crow. He feels a lot better now that he’s ripped the apology band aid off. Phase two complete. Surely Hinata will forgive him and reward him for his kindness. 

But a rare expression finds its way to Hinata’s face—lips tugging downard in a frown and nose wrinkling in displeasure. “Oh really? You waited until this very moment, now that you have me alone, to apologize?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Well, when else was I supposed to do it?” Up until this point, Atsumu definitely wasn’t ready to make amends, despite all the opportunities he had to do it. It’s just the way he is, stubborn to a fault. And Hinata should know this and not expect anything more. 

“Uh, I don’t know, maybe any time over the span of the past two years? You have my number Atsumu, you could have called me whenever you wanted. Do you know how long I waited for you to call? How long I hoped that you’d finally grow a pair and apologize? How long I held onto the hope that one day my phone would ring and it’d be you saying you’re in São Paulo? Too fucking long, Atsumu.” Hinata jabs his index finger right into Atsumu’s solar plexus. His brown eyes turn glassy with tears and his voice becomes more desperate with each “how long”—echoing off the tile of the restroom floor.

“You’re right, I’m sorry, I just—” Atsumu attempts to agree with Hinata to save face, but the orange haired man cuts him off. 

“You really hurt me, Atsumu and for the longest time I was convinced that leaving you was a mistake because no one could ever love me as much.” Hinata swallows and side-steps away from Atsumu, walking towards the door. “But I realize now that the choice I made was the right one. By going back to Brazil, I learned how to love myself again. Without you breaking my heart, I never would’ve realized how much I needed to find someone who would support me in that journey. And Oikawa was that person when you refused to be.” 

Atsumu doesn’t respond, he is stunned and silent. He had no idea Hinata was hurting that badly, he just assumed since Hinata put on a happy face during the end of his time with MSBY and during the Olympics that he was better at coping. Maybe instead of constantly worrying about his own feelings, he should have considered Hinata’s. 

_“I never thought you’d want anything more than something temporary.”_

In that moment, Atsumu realizes he’s not just fucked up, _he’s royally fucked up_. This is not how this moment was supposed to go. He wants to scream, to make Hinata stay and hear him out, to sincerely apologize. If there’s any way he could erase all the pain and hurt he put Hinata through, he would do it in a heartbeat. But he’s paralyzed and can only watch Hinata’s figure in the mirror unlock the door—swallowing down all the bile that threatens to escape.

“I accept your apology Atsumu,” Hinata says to the door, exhausted and wiping his face with the neckline of his shirt. “But please, don’t think that you can just expect everything to go back to the way it was before I left. We can never go back to then. It’s over. Please do yourself a favor and get that through your thick skull.” He pulls the door open and leaves Atsumu to stare at his pitiful reflection. 

~~

When he re-joins the party, he gets a good scolding from his brother who apparently was tearing the inn apart looking for him. It’s fine though, he deserves it. 

~~ 

The next day is a blur up until he’s sitting next to his brother at the ceremony. The inn’s main event hall is decorated modestly, only an assortment of flower arrangements and a blown up version of the photo on the wedding invitation proudly displayed at the room’s entrance. Atsumu counts all the flowers to keep his mind busy before the ceremony begins. 

“Are ya sure yer gonna be okay?” Osamu leans over and whispers into his brother’s ear. 

Atsumu bites the inside of his cheek in a lame attempt to hold back his tears and nods. After the party, he proceeded to tell (more like sob) Osamu in the privacy of their shared room what went down between him and Hinata in the bathroom. How he tricked Bokuto into keeping Omi off his trail and cornered Hinata in the bathroom. How, while Hinata accepted his apology, he told Atsumu to fuck off, for real this time—leaving him without so much as a goodbye. And how he should have listened to his brother who was only trying to protect him from himself. Osamu knew better than to say “I told you so” and let Atsumu cry in his arms over his mistakes and the realization that Oikawa deserves to be with Hinata, not him.

“I gotta get over it,” Atsumu admits.

“Alright, let me know if ya wanna leave.” 

Despite Atsumu appreciating the option, he’s not going to leave. He truly wants to be there to support Hinata (for the first time in two years) in his decision to marry Oikawa. It’s time for him to start being a good friend again.

“Thanks ‘Samu,” Atsumu says as the melody of Pachabell’s canon starts to play and the guests rise from their seats. 

And as the grooms march down the aisle—hand in hand, smiling from ear to ear—Atsumu holds his breath and ignores the pain as it settles into his hollowed out chest. There is no doubt in his mind that he will always love Hinata for as long as he lives, but he can not continue to be so selfish. He shuts out all thoughts of how he wishes that were him up there—gazing lovingly into Hinata’s endless eyes and proclaiming his undying devotion to him in front of all their friends and family. He fights the urge to object to the union when the question is asked because there’s absolutely no reason for him to. And he claps along with all the guests when the groom’s lips touch in their first kiss as a married couple, despite how it absolutely kills him. 

It’ll be a long journey to let go, but starting today he’s willing to finally take the first step. 

**Author's Note:**

> Rejection hurts, but sometimes it's the perfect fuel to make a change and create something new. It's been a personal goal of mine to write over 5k for a story and well... This fic is definitely past that mark. From the bottom of my heart, if you made it to the end, thank you so much. And yes, I did take that one angsty fic I wrote and shoved it in here because context. Shout out to [mumsy](https://twitter.com/thnkurluckystar) and [andie](https://twitter.com/fireheart_aw) for giving this a once-over. 
> 
> If you liked what you read (or didn't); drop a kudo, leave a comment, let Atsumu know it's gonna be okay. 
> 
> [[my twitter]](https://twitter.com/palerosetweets)


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